‘On The Tenth Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me…Hostile Hostages.’ (1994)
If the indigestion and that seventh glass of Baileys has taken some of the bounce out of the family celebrations, you might be in the mood for something a little more down-to-earth. The fact that you might not have heard of this is down to the marketing people, who had absolutely no idea what to do with this beautiful buried treasure of a movie.
Released in the States as The Ref, it was assumed that its poor box office was down to audiences being misled into thinking it was a sports movie, so when it reached the UK it was under the name Hostile Hostages, a title as unimaginative as its generic white-background comedy poster.
The increased star wattage of its (then fairly obscure) cast has led curious audiences back towards this attempt to launch stand-up Denis Leary as a movie star. Leary is outstanding as a cat-burglar who hides from the law by taking a married couple (Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis) hostage and laying low in their home. His plans are thwarted repeatedly by the couple’s complete dysfunction and the arrival of their extended family for Christmas dinner, led by one of cinemas least cuddly ‘Moms,’ (played ironically by Glynis Johns, the nicest mum in the world from Mary Poppins) and by the fact that an inventive burglar alarm has left him reeking of cat’s piss.
Its initial failure was due to the fact that few Christmas comedies at the time were so extraordinarily dark. Christmas In Connecticut meets The Desperate Hours, this is actually part of a noble tradition of Anti-Christmas movies like The Apartment, Black Christmas, last year’s Krampus or the Joan Collins segment from Tales From The Crypt. However, the cynicism is tempered by a happy ending that feels real and earned, and the dialogue is crisp, zingy and profane.
