If that had come from a friend, you would already have disowned, screamed at and possibly set them aflame by now.
But while Sony does its best scrambling around attempting to handle more damage control than, well, Ryan Giggs (DON’T SUE ME), there are still more than enough reasons to trust once more in your trusty PS3.
It was our credit cards they lost – not our perspective (that, admittedly, is devil-may-care silver lining at its finest – but at least it sounded snazzy).
Quite simply the most creative, genius and utterly sublime gaming experience you’re likely to have this year. And the good part (depending on your attention span)? Your fun factor and creative kudos is in almost direct correlation to the effort you put into it.
For every game you play that you can pick holes in or complain that ‘feature a’ or ‘function b’ wasn’t included by the developers? Well now you can do the hard work yourself and craft whatever you want – whether racing, puzzle, role-playing or fighting game, you’re the one in control of the cutest characters and most inspired level design around.
Admittedly, it wasn’t quite the all-conquering FPS Sony had been hoping for (tacking on some last minute 3D and motion controls do not make a genre leader).
However, as a theatrical and – importantly – addictive balls/grenades out shooter, you can’t go wrong. It’s as polished and playable a FPS as they come, proving a far more rounded experience – from graphics to storyline and multiplayer – than the system has had so far.
Also, you know, jet packs. Lots of jet packs.
Kratos’ ascendance to the Godly big leagues was accompanied, appropriately enough, by a system that finally had the graphical oomph to match his head-ripping, torso-shredding, button-bashing rage.
And my, how pretty it all looks.
There’s scale unlike anything you’ve seen or experienced before (Shadow of the Midget is a more fitting title for Team Ico’s legendary epic after playing this), and while the core gameplay is familiar for franchise fans, when it’s been all but perfected into a controller hammering, combo-heavy action-fest of joy, you can’t really complain.
Some of the hardcore considered it a disappointment, but then when you have a fanbase as mentally car-crazy as this, it was never going to satisfy everyone’s demands.
It may not be as instantly pick-up-and-playable as a Burnout or Dirt, but then the clue’s in the subtitle – ‘The Real Driving Simulator’.
Rated and judged as its own very specific but hugely successful niche, we defy anyone to find a better alternative. It’s bursting with tracks, cars, mind-boggling physics and – most important of all – accuracy.
Well, aside from the whole ‘damage’ thing that is, but at least the updates have started to sooth that fan-ranting open sore.
If Uncharted has somehow escaped your attention, then we can comprehensively say that – as a likely lover of both movies and games (you are reading this on HeyuGuys after all) – you won’t find a better action game anywhere.
Finally, genuinely owning the ‘cinematic’ tag that’s bandied about far too often with any game that’s decided to sprinkle in a few cut scenes, Uncharted provides the coolest, funniest protagonist in the gaming world and then throws all manner of amazing set-pieces, electric firefights and sexy aides to help him along the way on the most Indiana Jones-esque quest since The Last Crusade (aliens, schmaliens).
And just when you thought you couldn’t improve upon perfection, along comes the tantalisingly arousing Uncharted 3 peering over the horizon.
Not only is it a shiny Blu-ray player (ooh) but you’ve got everything you could want in a living room multimedia centre – all the terrestrial channel on-demand services on, well, demand (4OD, iPlayer, ITV Player all at the touch of a controller button), it syncs up with your PSP to provide literally minutes upon minutes of cross-platform joy, and has a comprehensive video and photo management system to boot.
Reason enough, we think you’ll agree, to put the whole ‘financial details leak’ to the back of your mind and get back to enjoying it for what it is – a corker of a gaming console with enough quality games and shiny doodads to keep you entertained for a while yet – at least, until the PS4 is announced in (we’re guessing) 2012.