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Over the course of thirty four films and forty four active years one of the most improbable movie stars Hollywood has seen returns from a political sabbatical to the big screen.

Throughout the years there have always been bad guys with dubious foreign accents, still the same needless deaths to prove a point and yet the force meeting these heinous acts is older and perhaps a little wiser. With Sylvester Stallone’s later career proving something of a model the need to send up the ultraviolence of last century is perhaps waning with both Stallone and Schwarzenegger falling back into the good, old fashioned gunplay albeit with a need to address the age issue.

Both Bullet in the Head and The Last Stand are uncomplicated and fun. Simple pleasures which do as much to remind us that cinema audiences will always want to see good trumping evil and well-muscled men hitting each other. In that spirit we have gone back to Arnie’s previous films and plucked the one-liners we thought gave as good an impression of the man, because let’s face it – whether he is Hercules, Conan, Dutch, Quaid or Jericho Cane – he is always Arnie.

The Running Man

richard damion the running man

Uplinks.. Underground.. If you guys don’t shut up.. I’m going to UPLINK your ASS.. and you’ll be on the GROUND!

Taken from the Stephen King (writing as Richard Bachman) novel the essence of The Running Man was a disturbing vision of the future of entertainment. Though not as terrifying as what actually came to pass this dystopia with product placement also gave us some of the worst Arnie lines ever.

Our choice was however an easy one. In the world of word-based punnery the one-liner man is king. Sadly though when the scriptwriters heard that Arnie was on board there must have been some serious brainstorming and shoehorning going on to end with what we got.

The quote above makes no sense. At all. It is shouted (of course) and seems to do the trick – cutting through the crap and sending the resistance over the top. Not exactly the St. Crispin’s Day Speech is it?

And there were so many other choices… mostly chomped out after dispatching the various OTT weirdos sent to kill him.

 

Here is Sub Zero – now PLAIN Zero!

Hey Light Head! Hey Christmas Tree!

Ah… he had to Split!

What a hot head!

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