class=”alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-22622″ style=”margin: 10px;” title=”Twilight Eclipse IMAX Poster” src=”https://www.heyuguys.com/images/2010/05/Twilight-Eclipse-IMAX-Poster-220×150.jpg” alt=”” width=”220″ height=”150″ />I’m sure I don’t need to remind anyone, but the third installment of the Twilight Saga will be hitting theaters in just a few short weeks. Now, upon hearing this news you will do one of two things: 1) squeal with delight saying “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD” or 2) let out a deep meaningful sign accompanied by a huge exaggerated eye roll that will most likely cause permanent retinal damage. Either way, the fact remains that the film will be released and it’s going to make a boat load of cash.
I will admit, maybe a bit shamefully that I was at one time on the Twilight bandwagon. I read all four books back to back in a matter of days. Well, consumed them would be a better description. I had the first one finished before I saw the first movie and it continued on from there. I did however draw the line at the films and the books. I don’t own an Edward life size stand up or anything like that. Seriously, I don’t.
When I started to read the books, I was pretty engrossed, much to the chagrin of my roommates. But I charged ahead, like an addict looking for that next fix. About a year after finishing all 4 books, and seeing the first film, I went back to re-read them again before the second film came out. I know. You don’t have to say it. I really don’t know what I was thinking. As I read through them a second time, I realized that I was reading them in a completely different mindset. Instead of reading them with stars in my eyes and songs of unrequited love in my heart, my inner sarcastic cynic came out with a vengeance. Needless to say the romantic was thrown a beating from the cynic. It was a rumble in the jungle and the cynic won.
The second time around was more painful than anything else. Instead of fawning over Edward or Jacob, I really just wanted to reach into the books and slap Bella. For some reason I guess I didn’t notice on the first time around just how much she talks about how beautiful Edward is. Ok! I get it! He’s so beautiful it hurts blah blah blah. It’s enough to make a girl pull out her hair or at the very least end up with a mild case of depression.
I went to see New Moon and while I wasn’t as enamored with it as the first one, I still enjoyed it for what it was. There was a time where after the first one was released that there was no question I would go see every segment in the theater as soon as I could get there. I just don’t feel the same now. Perhaps the second read through was the culprit. Perhaps my vision had cleared and I was no longer dazzled by Edward and his sparkly skin (which, by the way, I ALWAYS found to be utterly ridiculous).
My obsession has since turned to indifference in that I won’t break my neck in order to get to the theater. If I see it, I see it, if I don’t, I saved $8. But listen here Stephanie Meyer….I’m on to you. This new book you released about an inconsequential character from Eclipse is just silly. If a prequel is in the works at any time, my head is going to explode like that scene from Scanners.
I look back on my relationship with the Twilight Saga and I just have to shake my head. It’s a lot like 80’s fashion. Sure, you wore those head bands, the side pony, the legwarmers, jelly shoes and black rubber bracelets, but that doesn’t mean you need to your friends to post those pictures on Facebook as a reminder.
I guess what it really boils down to is this: I don’t think I was ever a great fit for it. For me it was a phase. A fleeting urge to ride that pop culture phenomenon . I don’t begrudge those who love it however. Go have your Twilight parties and midnight screenings. I have a 12 year old in my house who would totally do all of those things if she could. Of course I’ll take her to see Eclipse as well as Breaking Dawn. But I don’t foresee myself reading the saga for a 3rd time. Twice was enough and I don’t have enough patience to get through them again. So go forth you crazy Twi-hards! I’ll be sitting here patiently waiting for the release of the next film in a franchise that will never get old. Bring on the next Harry Potter!
I was forced to watch the first Twilight just this last weekend (after holding out for so long someone near and dear to me, who shall remain nameless begged, me to watch it with them- curiosity had it's hold.) So begrudgingly, I entered the world of Twilight (and first, I should say, I am not a fan of Kristin Stewart's one-trick pony acting — or maybe I should say three trick: “Welcome to the Kristin Stewart School of Acting, where we teach you all you'll ever need to become a teen icon. Step one: bite your lip, Step 2: look perturbed, Step Three: run your hand through your hair to show your frustration. Remember kids, if you follow these steps and are mindful never to smile, you will be a “real” actress.”
OK. Now, that I've gotten my loathing of Stewart's acting skills out of the way we can continue.) Where were we?. . .Oh, yeah, begrudgingly, I entered the world of Twilight (and Tracy- I think you should revisit the movie with your inner cynic in tow — lol.) I found it to be the slowest paced, most poorly written and acted movie I've ever seen and not in a good way (at least Tommy Wiseau's The Room is awful is the most delightful of ways.) Giant, gaping plot holes, lackluster chemistry, as well as limp, boring lines aside, this movie is set to cultivate a whole generation of girls who think co-dependence is love. Remove the fact that this series is basically (as the Facebook fan page says) about a “girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality,” and you have the classic tale of a girl who believes she loves some guy “unconditionally,” not recognizing that what she's really involved in is a dysfunctional (and abusive on some level) relationship. Either he's an alcoholic, or drug addict, emotionally or physically abusive, a chronic mooch who lays on the couch while she works all day or the elusive married man. No matter, she sees the real him — she sees past his problems (in this case, being a blood sucking vampire and bringing intense danger into her life and the lives of her loved ones) and thinks she will be the one to save him. I don't know what happens in Meyers' lame little series, but in real life it NEVER works out to the girl's advantage. Instead she just ends up used, abused and a shell of herself.
This movie, truly, isn't worth much and I wouldn't even give it another thought, except that impressionable, 12 year old girls all over the country are swooning for it and it makes me wonder: What happened to the Buffys of the world? I mean if you're a danger junkie and you wanna go vamp, Buffy has the right idea, enjoy the thrill of the ride and the thrill of the hunt. Sleeping with one eye open and a stake at the ready. Buffy kicked some serious ass and never whined, or ran her hand through her hair. Where are the strong female archetypes for this generation? Our girls today are left with Bella onscreen and Paris, Brittany and Lyndsey in the “real” world. I'd rather re-watch Tomb Raider, Charlie Angels and the old Buffy movie and series. If you want to watch a vamp film that's got the stuff — I'll proudly don my black rubber bracelets and go back to the 80's to watch Lost Boys.
I was forced to watch the first Twilight just this last weekend (after holding out for so long someone near and dear to me, who shall remain nameless begged, me to watch it with them- curiosity had it's hold.) So begrudgingly, I entered the world of Twilight (and first, I should say, I am not a fan of Kristin Stewart's one-trick pony acting — or maybe I should say three trick: “Welcome to the Kristin Stewart School of Acting, where we teach you all you'll ever need to become a teen icon. Step one: bite your lip, Step 2: look perturbed, Step Three: run your hand through your hair to show your frustration. Remember kids, if you follow these steps and are mindful never to smile, you will be a “real” actress.”
OK. Now, that I've gotten my loathing of Stewart's acting skills out of the way we can continue.) Where were we?. . .Oh, yeah, begrudgingly, I entered the world of Twilight (and Tracy- I think you should revisit the movie with your inner cynic in tow — lol.) I found it to be the slowest paced, most poorly written and acted movie I've ever seen and not in a good way (at least Tommy Wiseau's The Room is awful is the most delightful of ways.) Giant, gaping plot holes, lackluster chemistry, as well as limp, boring lines aside, this movie is set to cultivate a whole generation of girls who think co-dependence is love. Remove the fact that this series is basically (as the Facebook fan page says) about a “girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality,” and you have the classic tale of a girl who believes she loves some guy “unconditionally,” not recognizing that what she's really involved in is a dysfunctional (and abusive on some level) relationship. Either he's an alcoholic, or drug addict, emotionally or physically abusive, a chronic mooch who lays on the couch while she works all day or the elusive married man. No matter, she sees the real him — she sees past his problems (in this case, being a blood sucking vampire and bringing intense danger into her life and the lives of her loved ones) and thinks she will be the one to save him. I don't know what happens in Meyers' lame little series, but in real life it NEVER works out to the girl's advantage. Instead she just ends up used, abused and a shell of herself.
This movie, truly, isn't worth much and I wouldn't even give it another thought, except that impressionable, 12 year old girls all over the country are swooning for it and it makes me wonder: What happened to the Buffys of the world? I mean if you're a danger junkie and you wanna go vamp, Buffy has the right idea, enjoy the thrill of the ride and the thrill of the hunt. Sleeping with one eye open and a stake at the ready. Buffy kicked some serious ass and never whined, or ran her hand through her hair. Where are the strong female archetypes for this generation? Our girls today are left with Bella onscreen and Paris, Brittany and Lyndsey in the “real” world. I'd rather re-watch Tomb Raider, Charlie Angels and the old Buffy movie and series. If you want to watch a vamp film that's got the stuff — I'll proudly don my black rubber bracelets and go back to the 80's to watch Lost Boys.
I love that you sneaked Meyer's favourite word “chagrin” in there. 😉
I love that you sneaked Meyer's favourite word “chagrin” in there. 😉
I totally agree with you on Kristen Stewart's acting. It seems to be the same in everything. And I will agree with your statement that it is indeed poorly executed on all fronts. I've seen in several times and my inner cynic is firmly in place. I mainly just shake my head at it now, hence my switch to indifference.
I know that if you strip the story down to bare bones you're going to get something bordering on the creepy. Take out the human element and you have a girl who can't choose between a dead guy and an animal, but the amount of cash this franchise has raked in clearly shows that even the mom's who read and buy them for their daughters aren't looking at it this way. It's all about the love story (creepy as it is.)
Basically what my post boils down to is the fact that while I get the appeal, it just isn't for me. I'm not into the dreamy love stories or the chick flicks. I like my vampires on the scary side and I much prefer a film that has really big explosions. I spent my time on that ride and I'm done.
I will defend however liking something that is pure crap. Look back to the 80's for loads of examples. I just had a Twitter conversation with 2 of my fellow HUGgers about an absolutely DISMAL 80's film that I love and watch every time it's on. The writing: horrible. The acting: wretched. The dialogue: painful. Yet, I adore it. (In case you're wondering, that film is Streets of Fire)
I did come across something a while back that I think would have made Twilight a much more interesting film. Follow the link to see what I'm talking about: http://bit.ly/bRsywN
Ha! Leave it to you to “kill it” on the last word. Kudos- I LOVE that link. (Where can I get that poster?)
I too, love a great bad movie (like Wiseau's The Room or Gymkata or even some of Swayze's best — Roadhouse, Point Break.)
Thanks for the cool review and opening yourself up to criticism from both sides of the Twilight debate. You rule.
I totally agree with you on Kristen Stewart's acting. It seems to be the same in everything. And I will agree with your statement that it is indeed poorly executed on all fronts. I've seen in several times and my inner cynic is firmly in place. I mainly just shake my head at it now, hence my switch to indifference.
I know that if you strip the story down to bare bones you're going to get something bordering on the creepy. Take out the human element and you have a girl who can't choose between a dead guy and an animal, but the amount of cash this franchise has raked in clearly shows that even the mom's who read and buy them for their daughters aren't looking at it this way. It's all about the love story (creepy as it is.)
Basically what my post boils down to is the fact that while I get the appeal, it just isn't for me. I'm not into the dreamy love stories or the chick flicks. I like my vampires on the scary side and I much prefer a film that has really big explosions. I spent my time on that ride and I'm done.
I will defend however liking something that is pure crap. Look back to the 80's for loads of examples. I just had a Twitter conversation with 2 of my fellow HUGgers about an absolutely DISMAL 80's film that I love and watch every time it's on. The writing: horrible. The acting: wretched. The dialogue: painful. Yet, I adore it. (In case you're wondering, that film is Streets of Fire)
I did come across something a while back that I think would have made Twilight a much more interesting film. Follow the link to see what I'm talking about: http://bit.ly/bRsywN
Ha! Leave it to you to “kill it” on the last word. Kudos- I LOVE that link. (Where can I get that poster?)
I too, love a great bad movie (like Wiseau's The Room or Gymkata or even some of Swayze's best — Roadhouse, Point Break.)
Thanks for the cool review and opening yourself up to criticism from both sides of the Twilight debate. You rule.
Maybe it's because you didn't figure out the underlying metaphors for Twilight. Like here: . Or here: . Or here: http://www.hogwartsprofessor.com/ . 🙂
Maybe it's because you didn't figure out the underlying metaphors for Twilight. Like here: . Or here: . Or here: http://www.hogwartsprofessor.com/ . 🙂