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Vampires-Suck

9. Vampires Suck

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 4%

Razzie Awards: 0 (3 Nominations)

Box-Office Gross: $80,727,019

Rotten Tomatoes summed it up when they said that the 4% scoring Vampires Suck is “Witlessly broad and utterly devoid of laughs, [yet still] represents a slight step forward for the Friedberg-Seltzer team.”

You knew it wouldn’t be that long before Hollywood favourites Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer came along didn’t you?

Not satisfied with shooting their creative wad early when they wrote Scary Movie they’ve carved out a career sliding down the scales of critical approval from a starting point only negligibly above sea-level. Leeching off of dying franchises with all the wit, vigour and elegance of a comatose Vogon the duo have hit and run the box-office quite a few times in the past decade. Think of Friedberg and Seltzer as being akin to cinematic muggers, robbing an audience that keeps on coming back and voluntarily handing over their money. Under no form of coercion whatsoever.

This time round the hilarious observation is that the Twilight franchise is a bit naff. Wed this not only to Twilight’s gargantuan fanbase but also the similarly huge legion of Twilight haters and there you have it. A box-office success. It’s film-making by economics, and if that’s not what a trip to the cinema should be about then I don’t know what is (artistic integrity, merit and entertainment obviously –ed.)

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