If may seem entirely apparent that in order to succeed you need quality. A dash of talent and invention here, a wonderful peace of transitory execution there, that’s what maketh a movie young Padawan (alas Geroge Lucas doesn’t make this list even though he really should). But looking around us it soon becomes apparent that we often find ourselves swimming amongst a mediocre cesspool of light entertainment and most appropriately of all shite entertainment. And not only is it allowed to exist, but we (and by we I mean all) actively encourage it.
Don’t act like you didn’t. You went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End didn’t you. You disgust me. That time you went and watched Transformers: Dark of the Moon, make no mistake, I was sitting there judging you from atop my pedestal of good taste, casting an arched critical eyebrow over you as you watched a franchise film with a colon (thankfully we are no longer talking in metaphors here) in its title. Poor you I thought, you poor manipulated consumer, filing in to trade your brain for popcorn at the door.
Of course I thought this while in the cinema with you as well, where I too was watching Transformers and Battleship and Pirates of The Caribbean and all that other mindless tat that we ♥ so much. But I of course was there to review them, so that’s all fine then. I’m still better than you. Phew.
You see we all have our reasons. I for one just like to leer at the gratuitous filth peddled to us on a weekly basis. For any Flight of the Conchords fans out there for me Friday night is Business Time and when the marketing execs get their dirty digits into a franchise, conditions are perfect.
But there’s crap and then there’s crap crap. The last gasp of a career, the last gasp of a genre, clutching for your money as it falls into obscurity. A derivative and ineffectual expulsion of air, a fart on the dotted line of a once cherished part of the cinematic landscape that has been plundered (or so you may have thought) for all it’s worth. Well with that ringing in your ears here’s some crimes against celluloid that you the viewing public (and occasionally me, but remember I’ve got an excuse – right?) have not only rewarded with lashings of delicious moolah but have rewarded all too heartily. I think the statistics speak for themselves. I give you the highest earning rubbish in Hollywood history (measured as 5% and under on Rotten Tomatoes with two exceptions).
10. All Films Directed By Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Razzie Awards: 0 (17 Nominations)
Box-Office Gross: $299,092,983
They’ve made almost $300,000,000 from making bad films and yet they can’t even win a Razzie. You’ll be seeing much more of these two throughout.