Spare us a thought. We pitiful writers (do please pity us) subsist on a meagre diet of set images, teaser images, trailers, teaser trailers and recently teaser images for the teaser trailer for the trailer (see here and here for a hearty dose of overkill). Yes, it seems that we are doomed to a life of fumbling around in the cesspool of 21st century PR culture getting covered in slimy snippets of information, our nostrils filled with the stench of up to the minute minutiae. Well today you reach me at a new low as I (and by ‘I’ I mean Collider) rummage through what is essentially children’s toys for any dirty little snippets of news I can get my grubby hands on. Therefore it only seems right to warn you that throughout this article there will be a smattering of completely inconsequential, meaningless and only possibly accurate spoilers.
You see whilst studios like to leak out information about their upcoming release like the marketing mental Scrooges they are they often fail to keep a lid on those meddling toy manufacturers who’s products are often released in advance. I assume they don’t think that an adult of adult age doing what many assume to be an adult job would bother to stoop to such a low level to get his mucky spolierific fix. But what the fools didn’t expect was that I bloody well will stoop. So the joke’s on them. I think.
So as I edge my way around Idle Hands I am treated to a veritable smorgasbord of Mega Bloks box shots and more promotional material than I would care to have to look at. Whilst it soon becomes apparent that Mega Bloks is short hand for Tesco-Value Lego it also soon becomes apparent that here we get our first look at Spidey’s new enemy; Lizard. Well I say we get our first look, it’s actually our first look at his plastic not so fantastic counterpart. Looking like a cross between The Incredible Hulk, Fantastic Four’s The Thing and a cross eyed Dolph Lundgren with severe joint issues I guess it sheds very little light on what we’ll be treated to in the movie.
The main reason for my visit here though is that it’s a pretty sure fire bet that each of the situations depicted here in glorious Blok-O-Vision will make an appearance in the movie. So we’ve got some sort of thing with a roof and a ladder and a jet-ski – so that’ll be Sewer Lab HQ then. We’ve got a helicopter, a rooftop, a crane and the introduction of a fella called SWAT Lizard – so that’ll apparently be Oscorp Tower FX Battle and lastly we’re treated to Spidey and Lizard having a good old battle to the death in the descriptively titled Lizard Man Showdown.
So that’s what I’ve discovered. Was it worth it? Probably not…